Tools for getting unstuck

I struggle to write these blog posts. I want to write. I think about writing. I have a page of ideas of things to write about. I make a coffee or a tea. I put my tunes on. I sit in front of the page and . . . mental crickets. Or, even more frustrating, rabbit holes sucking me into something so large I’m now embarking on writing a book, not a freakin’ blog. This is my “stuckness” of the moment. A desire to do something or a knowing it’s time to do something, a lot of mental energy spent figuring out why, how or what, and then ultimately little to no movement or action. Simply put, stuckness is immobility. We eddy out and lose touch with the currents of our life. In this blog we’ll look at the common reasons we get stuck & practical things you can do to get back in the driver’s seat of your life.

COMMON WAYS WE GET STUCK

• Fear

  • This tends to show up when we feel a need to change foundational aspects of our lives like our relationships, jobs or career paths. The fear of the unknown, fear of loss of connection or loss of security can hold us in place long beyond what we know is right.

• Perfectionism

  • The need to get things just right or create a masterpiece can lead us to not start, take much longer to finish something than is reasonable, or to not be willing to fumble along. The need to be “good” at something can keep us trapped from doing what it takes to develop.

• Making Assumptions

  • We as humans have evolved to have a negativity bias in order to predict what could go wrong in order to keep ourselves safe. This can lead us to spiral in “what ifs” with most of those “what ifs” being worse case scenarios. Or we assume we already know what will happen and we don’t like the outcome. For instance, how someone else is going to respond.

• Not Knowing What to Do

  • Shoulder shrug.

• Deeper changes are underfoot

  • During certain times in our lives we can feel stuck or unable to do what we used to be able to do because identity level shifts are happening. The stuckness stems from feeling like we should be doing what we always used to do without acknowledging we are no longer those same people or the conditions of our life are different.

• Rumination

  • Getting caught in over-examining past situations.

• Lack of resources

  • Sometimes we set our sights beyond the basic needs of the situation and we fail to resource ourselves first. Or we fall into a defeated mindset of impossibility because we think we could never have the time, money, energy, support, etc.

• Needing to be perceived a certain way

  • Over concern for how others will be impacted or respond can distract us from connecting to what is true and right for us.
    

A STEP BY STEP GUIDE FOR GETTING UNSTUCK

Let’s start with a few mighty helpful mindset shifts,

• No part of getting unstuck should feel like forcing. Anytime you notice yourself forcing yourself, stop. This only adds to the stuckness.

• Lighten up! Oh, how serious we love to take ourselves! Release the pressure you’re putting on yourself to figure anything out. Remind yourself you are exactly where you are. And, that’s where you are.

• Invite in the possibility that whatever you are grappling with at the moment is actually an opportunity. Look for the opportunity and possibility of what you’re facing.

Step 1: Accept where you are at - Now acceptance does not mean that you have to like what is happening or to suck it up and take it. It’s the act of naming and being with what is happening without moving immediately into fixing, avoiding, dissecting, confronting or making it mean something. The first step is to be with what is happening and to be with how you feel about what is happening. That’s it. Simple, though not always easy. I suggest practicing this for at least one week; more if need be. The exception to this being if your safety is a concern.

Step 2: Identify either/or thinking - Anytime we are caught in either/or thinking we limit what is possible. Either I am succeeding or I am a total failure. Either I get the promotion or I’m stuck in this position. Either they care about me or they don’t. Wherever you notice this type of thought pattern, get curious. Think of 5 additional possibilities. For instance, I apply to other potential positions; I quit; I volunteer and find meaning outside of my work, I get a raise, I spend time building a business plan. It doesn’t matter if you intend to do these things, the intention is to open up more freedom and possibility in your thinking.

Step 3: Separate out the facts vs. what we make them mean - We are meaning-making creatures and sometimes the meanings we are making can be apart of where we get stuck. Take a moment to write out the facts of your situation. Then next to the facts write what you make these mean. For instance, Fact: I haven’t written a blog post in 2 months > I make that mean I am behind and not following through on my intentions to write once/month. I can let this really spiral and let it be evidence that if I can’t even do this simple then I’ll probably fail at being a coach. Now I am approaching the blog with some kind of need to prove myself or fighting off negative thoughts versus just sharing information or better yet finding fun in writing. Get clear on the facts vs. what you make those facts mean. Stick to the facts. Create more nuanced and helpful meaning. I haven’t written a blog post in 2 months > I’m starting a new habit and I’m proud I’m not quitting after missing one month.

Step 4: Move you body - How we move in our external world is a mirror for how we move interiorly. We can find more internal flexibility through intentionally using movement like dancing, walking in the woods, body position/posture (take a star pose or look up and out to the horizon), or playing with gesture. Ever notice someone feeling down. They physical look down, don’t make eye contact and are closed off (maybe arms crossed or chest caved inward). It’s hard to get them to engage. The simple act of looking up can be enough to break the spiral.

Step 6: Baby step - Lastly, we do need to get into some kind of action. Any kind of action at this stage is good. Because even the “wrong step” is information and clarity on what the “right step” might be for you. So, what’s the smallest, most digestible and easiest step you could take? Make it concrete and set a time for it.